ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
