I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
