of course. lets lasso hookers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
