don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
