I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
