Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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