I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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