i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
