i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
