we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
