Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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