You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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