what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish you could order shots online.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
