She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
