Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
