is your mom at the bar?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
