i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
