My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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