I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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