What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
