She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
