so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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