I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
