i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
