Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
