hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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