just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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