the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I sprained my soul last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
