Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize