all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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