i don't plan on having that self control this summer
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
