Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
