I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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