My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
