We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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