and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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