my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
