He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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