Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
