McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
