Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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