Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
