somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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