I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
