so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize