I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
