Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
