At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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