I'm really into asian looking animals
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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