I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
