Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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