Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
