well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
