it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would fuck him just for his dog
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
