It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize