Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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