I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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