I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
