is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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