yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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