worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
