Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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