i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
