What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
