okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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