why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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