I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
