im about as happy as oj after his trial
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
