I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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